The Kirklands
by 7557
Summary: What if every nation's personification is a pair of siblings, one male and one female. This is the story of the Kirkland siblings, also known as the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, as they interact with the beautiful, stressful, strange world. Contains normal and genderbent (nyotalia/fem!) characters. List of pairings and names inside.


_Pairings_

very brief mention of Spamano

Very very mild USUK, only if you want it to be

_Human names used (normal/nyotalia)_

England: Arthur/Alice Kirkland

France: Francis/Francine Bonnefoy

America: Alfred/Emily Jones

Canada: Matthew/Madeline Williams

Germany: Ludwig/Louise Beilschmidt

N. Italy: Feliciano/Felicia Vargas

S. Italy: Lovino/Lovina Vargas

Spain: Antonio Fernandez/Isabel Carriedo

Prussia: Gilbert/Julchen Beilschmidt

Japan: Kiku/- Honda

Turkey: Sadiq/- Adnan

Greece: Heracles/- Karpusi

Switzerland + Liechtenstein: the Zwingli siblings

* * *

It wasn't really her definition of a good start to a day. She'd had little sleep the night before, woken up with a pounding in her head, tripped and landed on her face on her way to the bathroom, and now she found out that her favorite shirt had lost a button. With a scoff of annoyance, she discarded the white shirt on her bed and picked up the black one next to it. 'This will do,' she thought to herself as she looked at herself in the mirror after the shirt nicely wrapped around her body, along with a skirt and blazer.

Just as she finished putting light make up on her face, a voice from outside the door called her. "Alice? Come, we'll be late for the flight." Irritated, she decided to ignore the man behind the door as she placed hairpins on her bangs. Soon, however, he called back with a persistent knock to the wooden panel. "Alice, I know you're in there."

"Just a minute, Arthur," she called back with a roll of her eyes as she put on her shoes. Taking a last glance in the mirror, she smoothed her hair and turned the doorknob open. Her eyes immediately met another green pair, and she glared.

"Alice," he nodded in greeting, completely ignoring the displeased scowl he was thrown. "Brother," she replied dryly. "Come now," Arthur said as he grabbed hold of her hand. "Time to go."

As they stepped down the stairs of the Kirkland residence, Alice glared at her brother's bobbing head from behind her spectacle frame, feeling irritation crawling below every bit of her skin. "Arthur," she called, which he answered with a light hum without slowing in his tracks. "Didn't I tell you to take care of your hair? You look like you just got out of the bloody bed."

Still walking at a constant speed, Arthur briefly glanced over his shoulder with a frown. "I told you, nothing works! One of these days I'll have you try and tame it. And if it stays neat for more than two hours, I'll buy you anything you want."

"Well, it's about time that I make a new batch of potions anyway," she said after they were both seated in Arthur's car. A shiver ran up his spine, and he gulped nervously before he answered. "I don't suppose that's a very good idea, love," he said, trying to sound as calm as possible. "I hope you do remember the last time you tried any magic. You turned me into a bloody toad! For two weeks!"

Her face heated up as he pointed out her weakness. She scoffed irately at him. "Maybe I would if you'd start remembering what happens every single time you tried to cook." A blush quickly made its way up Arthur's face. "T-that's different! I-" "Blew up the whole kitchen. While you were trying to _boil the bloody egg_." She made sure to put an emphasis on her brother's pathetic skill level in culinary arts.

For a moment they had a glaring contest, each one not backing down. Finally Alice let her body sink in her seat with a groan. "Just drive already, you git," she said while glancing at her watch. "At this rate we'll really miss the flight."

Arthur huffed in annoyance, but without another word he slammed his foot on the pedal and they were off cruising along the quiet early morning streets of London.

Arriving at the Heathrow airport, Arthur left his car at a parking space specially designated for him and they rushed to the entrance, a piece of luggage trailing behind each shadow. They didn't need any passport or boarding pass. Instead they just flashed their badge and identification card that said 'National Personification Personnel' on it and the airport security let them through without a second thought.

Soon enough they found themselves sitting comfortably in the business class of the plane taking them to Paris, where the next United Nations conference would take place.

"Good Lord," Alice sighed heavily as she sunk herself in her seat as soon as the plane took off. "Why must it be at those frogs' place, again?" Arthur just replied with a grunt, but she knew he was feeling as annoyed she was, if not more.

Actually, both Arthur and Alice quite liked France, although they would rather die than admit it openly. Good food, great wine, nice weather and beautiful places. But it was France's national personification that they couldn't stand. Both of them spent the entire flight silently bracing themselves to meet their old nemesis, and perhaps there was a slight amount of cursing and plotting of murder involved.

As soon as they landed, an escort from the French government came to fetch them and took them to the five star hotel in which the conference would be held. It seemed that they were among the earliest to arrive. The receptionist informed them that representatives from Germany, Austria, Japan, Switzerland and Liechtenstein were the only ones that had arrived before them.

"What about representatives from France?" Arthur asked nervously. If it were possible, he'd like to delay their encounter as much as he could. The receptionist checked her computer screen before she returned to the two with a smile. "Monsieur and Madam Bonnefoy were here earlier, but they left an hour ago and they told me they won't be back in several hours."

They both released a relieved sigh and thanked the young woman. Just before they left the front desk, a tall blonde approached them and waved them hello. "Ah, Alf- I mean, Matthew! It's so good to see you," Alice skipped over to give the man a hug, while Arthur followed behind and calmly nodded his greetings.

Alice scanned the blonde, and her eyes caught the small polar bear sitting calmly on top of his luggage. However, she was missing a person. "Where is Madeline?" she asked.

Matthew scratched the top of his head and grinned sheepishly. "Oh, she broke her leg and she's still in the hospital back in Toronto," he said, his voice soft as ever. Hearing that, both Arthur and Alice's green eyes widened in surprise, demanding for an explanation. Matthew ruffled his own wavy locks and continued. "We went skiing a few days ago and she took quite the fall. Rolled down a few meters before she hit a rock. She was still sulking about me beating her when I last saw her yesterday. So, it's just me this time," he said while lightly laughing, as if it was an everyday occurrence.

The Kirklands mentally shook their heads and asked themselves for the millionth time, how and where did they go wrong in raising their former colonies that they grew to be such… interesting people.

Bidding Matthew farewell, they grabbed their bags and immediately headed to their room. The meeting wasn't due to start in a few hours. They decided they weren't in the mood to see any of the other nations, so while Alice happily sprawled out on the soft bed trying to make up for her lack of sleep, Arthur promptly made some tea before he was seated at the desk and opened his laptop to go through his presentation for the conference later.

A few hours later after the sky had lost its light, Alice just stepped out of the shower with a satisfied sigh when they heard a knock at the door. Arthur lazily rose to his feet while Alice got dressed.

Upon swinging the door open, Arthur regretted opening the door at all. "Good evening, _mon cheri Angleterre_," said a voice whose familiarity sent frowns to both English's faces. "Francis," Arthur snorted in annoyance. He thought of slamming the door shut, and he was very close to execute his plan. But considering the man in question was the host country he thought it was hardly appropriate with his purpose of visit in mind.

Francis caught sight of steam seeping out of the bathroom door and the smell of shampoo and perfume tickled his nose. "Ah, I can see _ma cheri _Alice is taking a shower, no? Perhaps you should let me in, Arthur," Francis said, the look on his face made Arthur want to leave a black eye in it. Before Arthur could retort, Alice beat him to it. "Don't you dare step a toe inside, you bloody frog! Or else your toe won't be with you when you get out!" she yelled from behind the bathroom door.

"Just tell me what do you want, you insufferable prat." Arthur sighed in annoyance at the taller blonde. Francis snickered as he replied with a smile, "As the good host that I am, I decided to come and fetch my guests for dinner!" Arthur replied his answer with a frown. "You're just here to tell us that you've arrived so you could annoy us."

"Ah, _Angleterre_, you wound me!" Francis exclaimed as he dramatically placed a hand over his heart and faked his knees weakening. "But I don't deny it either," Francis whispered playfully as a smirk crept up his face. "I'll be waiting for the two of you in the dining hall, _Angleterre_," said Francis as he skipped his way down the hallway and disappeared at the curb, making sure he sent a wink before he was out of sight.

Closing the door, Arthur groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe that frog," Alice said as she stepped out of the bathroom fully clothed, still dabbing a towel onto her wet hair. Arthur ran a hand across his disheveled hair in frustration and walked into the bathroom.

"Here," he tossed the hairdryer into Alice's hands and closed the door. "Dry your hair. I'll be quick," he said as he removed his clothes to take a quick shower.

When they finally, reluctantly, made their way to the dining hall, they both groaned at the chaos they were greeted with.

At a corner they saw Ludwig trying to separate Sadiq and Heracles who were trying to kill each other as usual, while Feliciano and Felicia sat nearby and played with the Greek army. Then there were Gilbert, Francis and Julchen, whispering and giggling like a bunch of little schoolgirls, most probably plotting something, and a furious looking Louise storming towards them. Isabelwas seated at a table with a very red faced Lovino. Antonio and Lovina were nowhere in sight; they were probably gone making out or something. The East Asian group was seated at another table, being very rowdy. They caught sight of the Austrian duo leaving the dining hall, probably on their way to lash out their annoyance regarding the condition of the dining hall with the grand piano seated nicely at the lobby. The Zwingli siblings were eating at the furthest corner of the room, the oldest two barricading the younger ones against the walls, a handgun in each of their left hands. Other nations were spread across the hall, making noises as they please. The most notable was the Nordic group, with two drunken Danes at their hands. Francine was seen making her way towards Matthew, and while they felt sorry for the boy, they were grateful that both French were occupied and so they would be left alone.

Or so they thought.

"Hey, Arthur!" A loud, obnoxiously cheerful voice echoed in both Britons' ears as Arthur stumbled forward and fell flat on his face, a young woman clinging onto his back. "Bloody hell, Emily! Can't you greet like a normal person?" Arthur yelled and squirmed as he tried to release himself from the American's grip.

Alice froze. If Emily's here, then that means…

"Hey, Alice!" Another obnoxious voice rang as its owner engulfed Alice in a massive hug from behind and effectively lifted her up like she weighs nothing. She could practically hear his grin in his voice without having to see it.

"Alfred! Put me down, you git!" Alice nearly screamed as she felt her feet touch nothing but air. "Eh? But I don't wanna," Alfred whined and started to swing Alice around like a rug doll.

As soon as things got back in order, meaning both Britons were safely back on their feet, both Americans stood with goofy grins on their faces while nursing an elbow hit on Alfred's stomach and a smack on Emily's head. Arthur glanced at his watch. Only twenty minutes left before the conference was supposed to begin.

"We should probably eat now," he told Alice, who nodded knowingly. "Did you both have a meal already?" Alice asked their former colonies.

"Yeah, we did," Emily said cheerily. "We just got back from the McD*nalds' two blocks down the street." The Kirklands mentally facepalmed themselves and groaned for the umpteenth time of the day. Their former colonies had become an 'interesting' bunch indeed.

Quickly gathering food and absorbing them, they finished their meal just in time when Francis started calling the nations into the conference hall. The nations quickly, but not quietly, made their way inside and sat down at their assigned seats. As a representative from the host country, Francine went up the stage and welcomed those who were present with a brief speech.

The rest of the conference proceeded orderly enough, but it dragged on for an hour later than the schedule and from her seat Alice caught more than one personnel tried to stifle down a yawn during her brother's presentation on global warming. She didn't blame them, though. Quite a number of them had just arrived an hour ago from their respective homelands and they must be tired from the flight. Of course, the Greeks were already fast asleep, but she gave up long ago to keep them awake for a whole session of a meeting.

When the conference was finally declared over for the day, the Kirklands gratefully rose to their feet and gathered all their belongings. Some of the nations present decided to stay for further discussions, but most of them left almost immediately, including the UK representatives. As soon as they were safely behind the closed door of their room, they promptly got ready to sleep and passed out the moment they came in contact with the soft bed.

In the middle of their comfortable dreamless slumber, the English siblings found themselves suddenly and rudely awoken by loud banging noises coming from their front door. Centuries' worth of experience told them to be on their toes, and a danger alarm instantly roar loud in their minds. Alice scrambled to get her spectacles and a spare gun she always had under her pillow while Arthur reached for his star tipped wand. Slowly and stealthily they made their way to the door with Arthur up front and Alice close behind.

Arthur peered through the lens on the door and he almost banged his head to the wood when he recognized the ones who disturbed their peaceful night. "It's the bloody Americans," Arthur mouthed silently at Alice, who thought that suddenly the idea of blowing up the door along with her uninvited visitors with her gun became too tempting to resist.

With the chain lock still safely in its place, Alice opened the door slightly and pointed the barrel of her gun outside as she peered through the gap, causing said Americans to pale instantly. "You better have an excellent reason why I'm seeing you in front of my door, and why I shouldn't pull my trigger for costing me my precious sleep time." Alice practically barked at her uninvited guests, almost like a wolf whose territory was crossed.

"C-can we come in?" Alfred dared himself to talk. "W-well, Kiku gave us one of his new games earlier today and we played it." "B-but now we're totally freaked out 'coz the thing's damn scary!" Emily continued, teary eyed. "You gotta let us in, please!" Both of them shouted in unison.

Silence followed suit.

"No." Alice said coldly as she slammed the door shut.

Wrong move.

"NOOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU BE SO HEARTLESS! DEMON! FIEND! OPEN UP!" Both Arthur and Alice thought a vein was about to pop in their brains as said guests persistently pounded on their door and yelled. The thin door did nothing to block out their unbearably loud pleads.

Silently communicating through tired glances, Arthur finally scowled in defeat as he unlocked the door and opened it. As soon as the American siblings hear the door opening, they forced their way through the half opened path and immediately glomped the two figures standing before them, effectively knocking themselves to the ground.

"Get off me, you idiot!" Alice desperately gasped for air under Alfred's weight, and so did Arthur in Emily's death hug. After a while Alfred and Emily finally realized they were squeezing their former mentors to death and hurriedly scrambled to their feet.

"Right," Alice said after she gave Alfred and Emily a smack on the head each, "Arthur and I will share a bed. You two sleep in the other one." The Jones exchanged looks at each other before they protested all at once. "Then what's the point of us coming here?!"

Emily immediately grabbed hold of Arthur's arm. "I'll take Arthur," she said to her brother. Alfred, in turn, grabbed Alice's waist and cling onto her tightly. "I'll take Alice," he said, almost at the same time as Emily's claim. They exchanged triumphant grins at each other before dragging each of their loot to separate beds.

"Oh no, you don't," Alice managed to wriggle her way out of the tall blonde's grip. "The last time I slept with you after that horror movie marathon you practically almost killed me with your death grip!" She said as she glared at the accused man. "You'll sleep with Arthur."

"Hold on a minute," it was Arthur's turn to protest. "If you can't handle his death lock then what makes you think _I_ will handle it better than you?"

"Oh, hush. Man up, Arthur! Or are you saying that you're actually weaker than me?" Alice said. A faint smirk decorated her lips as she skillfully played Arthur's temper in her fingers. Before Arthur could retort, he was cut by another voice. "Aw, that's not fair! Why doesn't anybody want to sleep with me?" Alfred pouted, causing his sister to giggle at the face he made.

"Excuse me," Arthur said, his clear irritation oblivious to the two Americans. "Come back complaining to us after you managed to control that unreasonable strength of yours. Besides, if anyone should complain about fairness, it should be the two of us!"

Much arguing and complaining continued, and finally they decided to push the beds together so all four of them could line up. Arthur was at the leftmost, followed by Alfred, Emily and Alice. It took them almost two hours from the time when the Britons were woken up until when they fell back asleep.

Several hours later when Arthur's alarm clock decided to almost give him a heart attack, said man woke up with dark circles under his eyes. Reluctantly, he scanned his surroundings to assess the damage.

Alfred's foot was comfortably resting on Arthur's stomach while his head crossed over onto Emily's shoulder. Arthur felt a bruise on his ribcage and promptly blamed Alfred's knee for it. Emily's hand was intruding Alice's head space and Arthur was sure he wasn't the only one to wake up with bruises. Alice, also woken up by Arthur's alarm clock, sat up and blindly felt around for her spectacles while mumbling curses under her breath.

Slowly, the Britons gathered the scattered pieces of their souls and hoisted themselves up to their feet. Staring at the two unconscious bodies sprawled unceremoniously on their beds, they felt as if their heads were about to blow up from the frustration. Silently exchanging glances, they found a devilish grin creeping its way up each face.

With much pain on Arthur's part, somehow he managed to drag both Americans to the edge of the bed without waking them up. Alice joined him on the bed, kneeling and facing the still sleeping siblings. A silent mouthed 'one, two, three' later, said Americans found themselves violently woken up as they were mercilessly flung to the floor, and the voices echoing in unison in the room was a victorious yell that says, "wake up, you bloody wankers!"

* * *

it was super fun writing this fufufufu~  
i figured since Arthur is "good" at magic and terrible at cooking, Alice can be the opposite -w-  
The Greek army refers to Greece's cats


End file.
